Friday, January 6, 2012

DRINKING POISON

I often refer to watching the news by the title of this post.  I am torn between my addiction to knowing what is going on and my certain knowledge that the blah blah blah of the talking egos is not only bad for me but really awful for our country.  We are told to be very afraid, to detest folks who disagree with us and that we are really stupid people who have no capacity to understand complex issues.  I do think that watching and reading only one side of things is intellectually lazy and try to take in intelligent views of the other side of the political fence.  I need to remember that the operative word here is "intelligent" and that the reality show for ratings, whatever the political shade, no longer has no ethical boundaries and information gained there is always suspect. I really care that this wonderful land that I have lived and thrived in for almost seventy years is a good place for generations to come.  Sometimes the insistence on short term gratification seems overwhelming, and I just want to give up and let those who will live in it deal with it.  I have beloved friends and family members who seriously disagree on the way to accomplish a good future and I hope to continue to love and listen and learn so that I do not become a crabbed old crone who thinks she knows everything.   Also..will turn off the tv more often I hope.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

THE NEW YEAR AND JOURNAL KEEPING

I like to begin with a fresh journal for the new year but this morning I realized that I have many blank pages left in the book I have been using.  I had made a journal in the fall that I love, a quiet rose brown cover, pale rose pages and decorative painted paper that suggests a rose garden.  I put it out for sale praying that no one would buy it so that I could use it for my winter mornings. It is still in my studio. this morning before dawn the path down the hill was dark and temps in the twenties so I decided to write a bit in the "old" journal begun in the fall.  I ended up writing my new year intentions in it and realized that I needed to just continue until I filled the pages and promised myself the rose journal in the spring. On the way to the barn I stopped and looked at the fresh book.  I turned to the back inside cover where I place the name of each book and saw that the title I had given it was "Quiet Waiting Journal." I knew immediately that the book was intended for my daughter not for me.  She is going through a time that will require much patience and she loves pink and roses.  Whatever she uses it for, the intention of "quiet waiting" is for her.

Many years ago a wise woman, Jan Lowry, suggested that I keep my journals as "letters to God".  I have done that, beginning early on "Dear God" and moving on through parental names to a more intimate and comfortable salutation these days.  I have poured my inner world onto the pages, pleading, raging, thanking and laughing mostly at my ridiculous dramas and self-told tales.  I have worked through divorces, brain tumors and IRS audits, upheavals and joyful moves.  I have worked out plans and poems on those pages. Because they are letters, I am surrendering my life's gifts and detritus over and over to a greater power and presence than my little theatrical ego.  I am so grateful for this "divine therapy" that joins my other practices of Centering Prayer and the Twelve Steps.

Not everyone writes or wants to.  I do not have a rule about writing every day and sometimes things are so painful that they have to be written about in retrospect.  I will send the rose journal to my daughter for her "quiet waiting" period and she can do with it what feels right, even if it is only to have it around.  What is clear however, is that my plans and notions of what will be right and my need for "freshness" in the new year have nothing to do with what needs to happen and I am most blessed when I am open and move at the pace of guidance.  When I can do that I learn.